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The Bill Barnwell LARP Zone with Wonker Jones: 2017 NFL Preview

The Bill Barnwell LARP Zone with Wonker Jones: 2017 NFL Preview

NFL PREVIEW 2017

Wonker Jones

Editors note: This first installment of TAKELAND's new NFL column, The Bill Barnwell LARP Zone, includes everything necessary to prepare for your season's bets- O/Us and playoff predictions. Enjoy!

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Judicial Watch link of the week: http://tu9srvbirvvtmjmkd3d3lmp1zgljawfsd2f0y2gub3jn.g00.sandiegouniontribune.com/g00/2_d3d3LnNhbmRpZWdvdW5pb250cmlidW5lLmNvbQ%3D%3D_/TU9SRVBIRVVTMjMkaHR0cDovL3d3dy5qdWRpY2lhbHdhdGNoLm9yZy93cC1jb250ZW50L3VwbG9hZHMvMjAxNy8wOC9OVlJBLWxldHRlci1DQS1BdWd1c3QtMjAxNy0xLnBkZg%3D%3D_$/$/$/$/$/$

Question of the week: Why don’t people play football in the streets to settle disagreements?

 

Theme for 2017: look at all these teams with no tight ends!

 

-Number given is over under from bovada, picks/bets in bold

-The X factor is the factor on each team that has the potential to carry them into the playoffs

If it doesn’t exist, it's not my fault. It just means your team has no shot.

 

-If I did not write much about your favorite team, please look forward to the weekly Against The Spread Pick column, where i will break down key position group strengths and weaknesses for every team.

 

These o.u bets are based mostly on me estimating how many wins each team will achieve in each Quarter of their schedule and adding it up, then comparing to the o/u. This amazing methodology is included under each team.


 

Best bets: Baltimore Over, Bills Under 6, Chargers under 9, Bengals over 8.5, gb over


 

NFC WEST
 

SEATTLE MARINERS

10.5

 

Everyone knows about the front 7 with Sheldon Richardson, and Russell Wilson will get by. If the Legion of Boom can be the Legion of Boom, this team might be an Ichiro away from the super bowl come winter.

 

X: LOB

Q1:3

Q2:3

Q3:3

Q4:2
WEAK OVER (1 U)

 

ARIANS CARDINALS

8

 

An underrated passing game and innovative secondary will continue to carry the Cardinals. Once again, however, The issues on offense will almost all be knee-related.

One key difference this year is that there will be no Calais Campbell to fall back on on defense should things go awry. Yes, he was that good.

 

X: Carson Palmer’s knee

 

Q1:2.5

Q2:2

Q3:2.5

Q4:2

WEAK OVER (1 U)

 

GOFF GOFF RAMS

5.5

 

The right side of the oline established itself last year as the most honest place in LA, and that isn’t about to change. With Aaron Donald out of the picture for now, let’s if Sean Mcvay can do the impossible in La La land.

 

Q1:1

Q2:1

Q3:1

Q4:1.5

WEAK UNDER

 

SAN FRANCISCO BEATS HARD

4.5

 

I liked this kid (CJ) before the draft, and the mojo is right when your uncle gets a gold jacket your rookie year. Ted passing on Reuben Foster makes me sad, because I haven’t seen a backer move like that in a long time. Who cares about this year?

 

X: VR Practices.

 

Q1:1

Q2:1

Q3:.5

Q4:1

PASS

 

NFC NORTH

 

GREEN BAY

10

 

The offense depends on the pass-catchers’ health more than anyone in town cares to admit, and the front 7 continues to be riddled with questions. Add that to a young secondary, and let me tell you...SUPER BOWL HERE WE COME

 

X: Aaron Rodgers’ muscles, tendons, ligaments, and bone

 

Q1:2.5

Q2:3

Q3:2.5
Q4:3

WEAK OVER (1 U)

 

MINI GB

8.5

 

Man, I love Mike Zimmer. The only good pages in the last issue of SI were the ones on Zimmer, and if you missed them, visit your local library and check them out.

You can’t say the Vikings aren’t bold, as they bring 5 new starters into their Oline to help Sam Bradford and return Kendricks, Rhodes, Hunter, etc to a top 10 defense. I do kind of expect them to fade down the stretch again this year.

 

X: Tackle Performance

 

Q1:2

Q2:2

Q3:2.5

Q4:1.5

PASS

 

KID ROCK LIONS

8

They stole TJ Lang and return a new, rich, point guard-eque Matt Stafford. Kid Rock is awesome. The defense won’t be.

 

X: A’Shawn Robinson

 

Q1: .5

Q2:1

Q3:2

Q4:1.5

UNDER (1 U)

 

THE BEARS STILL

5.5

 

They better give Trubisky some of those VR Reps

 

Q1:.5

Q2:1

Q3:1

Q4:1

WEAK UNDER (.5 U)

 

NFC SOUTH

 

ATL HOE

9.5

 

Number seems a little low...maybe sb hangover combined with strength of schedule. They return many but not Shanny, and we all know that that may be a huge, huge difference.  

 

X: OLine health

 

Q1:3

Q2:2

Q3:2

Q4:3

PASS

 

CAMOLINA

8.5

 

This offense should be diverse and fun to watch. The secondary will have to be picked up by the Front 7

 

X: Cam’s Kevlar

 

Q1:2

Q2:2.5
Q3:2
Q4:2

PASS

 

JAMEIS BAY

8.5

 

I think the defense will be good and Mike Evans, should he stay healthy, will expose Desean Jackson’s Klay Thompson-esque gravity.

 

X: Mike Evans

Q1:2

Q2:1.5

Q3:2
Q4:2

WEAK UNDER (.5 U)

 

DREW ORLEANS

8

 

Once again, the offense should be all right but the defense should be...Interesting.

 

Q1:1.5

Q2:1.5

Q3:2

Q4:1.5

WEAK UNDER (.5 U)

 

NFC EAST

 

NYG

9

 

The running game needs to stop suffering. The defense is constructed well, the offense hums but you need to run the ball come winter.

X: Paul Perkins

 

Q1:2
Q2:2
Q3:1.5
Q4:1.5

PASS, WEAK UNDER (1 U)

 

CHARLIE DAY EAGLES

8

 

You know what I’m gonna say here.

WENTZ. VR REPS.

 

X: secondary

 

Q1:1.5

Q2:1.5

Q3:1.5

Q4:1.5

WEAK UNDER

 

DALLAS COWBOYS

9.5

 

Hopefully they pick up where they left off last year.

 

X: Dak


Q1:2
Q2:2.5

Q3:2
Q4:2

WEAK UNDER (.75 U)

 

AMERICA’S REDSKINS

7.5

 

Kirk is playing for a big big contract, and that’s the best motivator.

 

X: Jordan Reed and Josh Norman

 

Q1:2

Q2:2

Q3:2

Q4:2

WEAK OVER

 

AFC EAST

 

MIAMI DOLPHINS

7.5

 

Holy S**t! I think jay cutler is a cool dude now!

And apparently… so does everyone else. As you all continue to flip flop your way around life, the dolphins are exciting again. Just glancing at the total and the roster, 8 wins seems like a lock. Ajayi and a young, talented wide receiving core could make cutler look good, but a brutal stretch following early season games at LA, NYJ, and TEN that includes Oakland and NE twice result in a .547 SOS, good for 6th-highest in the league. While the amount of variance in the league does not make SOS based on previous year records  all-knowing, being in the top or bottom third of the chart is significant.

 

X factor: Pass Blocking. Cutler is not as mobile as tannehill.

 

1Q:2 wins

2Q:2

3Q:1

4Q:2

 

Because of the SOS and a secondary that may disappoint, I will place a

WEAK UNDER (1 unit) bet on the Dolphins.

 

NEW ENGLAND

12.5

 

X: Gronk x Cooks

 

1Q:3

2Q:3

3Q:3

4Q:3

 

Very high number, middling Schedule. Lets go (pass, .5 unit WEAK UNDER).

 

 

NEW YORK JETS

5

 

Burning Dumpster question: How many bowles will sheldon richardson smoke this year?

 

Bad Roster…But the schedule is not as bad as the 8th-highest SOS would make you think it was.

 

1Q:1

2Q:1

3Q:.5

4Q:.5

 

Lets go UNDER (1 unit)

 

FUCK COnventions

 

BUFFALO BILLS

6

 

X-Factor: Zay Jones and Micah Hyde were good additions. X-factor worthy? Not quite when they don’t have sammy watkins

 

1Q:1

2Q:1

3Q:1

4Q:1

 

UNDER (2 units)

 

AFC SOUTH

 

Indianapolis

9

 

X: yeah, right. Luck’s ribs.

 

1Q:2

2Q:2.5

3Q:2

4Q:1.5

 

Weak under(1 unit)

 

Houston

8.5

 

X: JJ Watt’s spine (I know they made the playoffs without his spine last year. This is a column about 2017)

 

1Q:1.5

2Q:1.5

3Q:2.5

4Q:4

 

Pass, gun to my head weak over

 

Tennessee

9

 

X: Secondary

 

1Q:1.5

2Q:2

3Q:2

4Q:3


 

Pass gun to my head weak under

 

Jacksonville

6

 

X: mustache

 

1Q:1

2Q:1

3Q:1

4Q:1

 

weak uNDER (1 Units)

 

AFC WEST

 

Carr Raiders

10

 

tough schedule

 

X: Marshawn Lynch

 

1Q:3

2Q:2

3Q:3

4Q:2

 

Pass,Weak over, (1 unit)

 

Kansas City

9

 

X: Ware x Hunt

 

1Q:2

2Q:1

3Q:1.5

4Q:2

 

Weak under (1 unit)

 

Denver

8.5

 

X: CJ Anderson / Booker

 

1Q:2

2Q:1.5

3Q:2

4Q:2

 

Pass, weak under (1 unit)

 

YOUNGHOE RIVERS

9

 

X: Rivers

 

1Q:1

2Q:1

3Q:3

4Q:2

 

under (1.5 units)

 

AFC NORTH

 

PITT

10.5


X: Bell

 

1Q:3

2Q:2.5

3Q:2

4Q:2.5

 

Pass, weak under (.5 u)

 

BALTIMORE

9

 

X:Maclin / Perriman

 

1Q:2.5

2Q:2.5

3Q:3

4Q:2

 

Over (2 Units)

 

Dalton Bengals

8.5

 

X: Health (1 aspirin per day Marvin)

 

1Q:1

2Q:2

3Q:2

4Q:2.5

 

Over (1 u)


 

CLEEEEVELAND

4.5

 

Burning dumpster question: Did deshone write this column?

 

1Q:0

2Q:1

3Q:1

4Q:1,

 

Pass, weak under (1 u)


 

NFL season 2017 final standings

 

NFC

1 Green Bay

2 Seattle

3 Atlanta

4 Giants

5 skins

6 cam

 

NYG over WAS

Cam over ATL

 

GB over cam

SEA over NYG

 

GB over SEA



 

AFC

1 New England

2 Raiders

3 Steelers

4 Houston

5 Titans

6 Ravens

 

Steelers over Ravens

Titans over Texans

 

Steelers over Raiders (Raiders fans are not excited enough about the end of the era to give Oakland a true home field in this one)
Pats over Titans

 

Hopefully Leveon Bell is healthy this time...Steelers over Pats



 

PIT over GB





 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bill Barnwell LARP Zone with Wonker Jones: Week 1 Picks

The Bill Barnwell LARP Zone with Wonker Jones: Week 1 Picks

TAKELAND INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: A GLOBALIST CALL TO ACTION TO ALL GLOBATRIOTS

TAKELAND INVESTIGATIVE REPORT: A GLOBALIST CALL TO ACTION TO ALL GLOBATRIOTS